Looking for the Best Love?
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and while this holiday has been commercialized up the wazoo, love it still here to make the world go around. We all want the best love we can possibly have, don’t we? Valentine’s day is a day for chocolate and presents for some, and a day of sadness and loneliness for others. It got me thinking about love in general, and about what makes you successful in relationships in particular. You know you can re-write your story and create a new reality for you.
How do you bring love into your life? What is the best love? And why is self love important?
What does it mean to have self love? By definition Self love is regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic). What does it mean to have the best love? This may mean different things to different people… Let’s start with Self Love and maybe this would lead us to best love. Loving yourself sounds a little weird, doesn’t it? Maybe it even sounds kind of selfish…. And yet, we are taught in many traditions that loving ourselves is crucial to our well-being. Actually self-love is all the rage nowadays. Here is a place to get some ideas on how to practice safe love: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/30-ways-practice-self-love-and-good-yourself.html
I see in my office amazing people. Smart, caring, witty, funny, loving, giving, productive, and successful and yet very few of them actually like themselves, let alone love themselves. I use my hypnosis for self-confidence for help them, since loving themselves is an integral part of gaining self confidence. Why are so many people so hard on themselves? Is it how we were brought up? Are our parents to be blamed (yet again)? Is it the media setting absurd standards of success? Or is it our life experiences that turned us against ourselves? Maybe it is a combination of things but I will tell you one thing for sure, self-love is not abundant when I look at the many people I know. Is it really true that if you do not love yourself your relationships will suffer? And what does self-love really mean? I think it may mean different things to different people but the bottom line is: are you kind to yourself?
Let me suggest that if you treated yourself with the same kindness and acceptance you show to your friends and your family you will already be in a great place of self-love. You will also be showing them the best love you can bring on, since you are coming from a place of great authenticity. This is not an easy subject and yet the principle should be so simple: treat yourself as you would treat others. It is rather funny, since the saying goes: “treat others like you would want to be treated” and that is not a contradiction, yet if you turn your internal conversation to the kind of conversation you would have with the people you care about, things will change dramatically. Do you say to your good friend: “Wow, you look so fat today!” No you don’t, and you don’t even think it. But when you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you say to you? Do you say to your child: “You only got 80 on the test? You are so stupid!” Or do you tell your kid who studied very hard for the test that he/she have made a great effort and that 80 is a good grade…..What do you say to yourself when you did not do as well as you wanted to do? Think about it, what are you modeling to your children if you are not modeling that you are happy with yourself? Maybe the root of the problem for many young women is that their mothers, while encouraging their daughters, were meanwhile very hard on themselves. Think about it. If your child sees you criticize yourself, she or he may not buy it when you tell her how great they are…
I can go on and on but this is for me what it boils down to. See yourself as if through the eyes of a loving caring friend and you will appreciate yourself so much more. Be kind to yourself and practice self-love. Be mindful of your internal dialogue and alter it to a conversation that is kind and loving. Things will then fall into place.
So now to Best Love!
What is best love? In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, if we look at the relationship between two people that love each other, what are the ingredients that constitute best love? What makes a marriage healthy and successful? I have written a blog last year for my 25th wedding anniversary and the list goes like this:
• Love and respect are at the root of it all. Must have Love and Respect! For yourself first and then for your partner.
• Giving each other space and independence is definitely high on my list.
• Keeping the romantic love and yes, the sex life, is crucial as well. Intimacy is essential for a good marriage. • Knowing when to shut up and just let things go is an art in itself. You really do not have to say everything that comes to your mind….
• Not bailing out during times of hardship is essential. He has my back and I have his.
• Finding time for the two of us, even when the kids were young, even when the going was tough, even if it was just a few hours away, it kept us sane and maintained our togetherness during some very difficult times.
• Nourishing the partnership, feeding it, watering it, with little acts of kindness, with words of love, with thoughtfulness, support and encouragement. You have to do this!
• Be able to forgive yourself and your partner when things do not go well. Have the trust that you know his heart as you know your own heart and in your heart, your highest intention is never to harm and always to do good.
• And last, but not least, have a sense of humor about it all.
So my friends, first exercise self-love and then work on your best-love and the world will become a brighter, better, happier place. To love!!
Do you need help with some self confidence? Or maybe you are looking to find a new way to speak to yourself? Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute phone consultation by using the green button below. Hypnosis together with behavioral techniques is quick and effective. Make a commitment and change your life. Open your heart to a new way of being.