What About Toxic Relationships?
Lately I have become more aware of different aspects of relationships between myself and friends, relatives and clients. It made me think about what constitutes toxic relationships.
Letting Go of Friendships
I found myself recently letting go of a friendship I had kept for many years, a friendship that lasted despite some serious trials and tribulations, and then one day my friend did something that was mean and hurtful and I found that I was really struggling with my emotions.
I was having a difficult time letting go of how I felt.
I wanted to be able to be detached; my notion of detachment which I call compassionate detachment.
What is Compassionate Detachment?
Compassionate detachment to me means that while you are still caring about the individual and wishing them well, you are not taking their reoccurring troubling behaviors as a personal offense.
Well, I was doing great with that until I got personally attacked.
I always attempt to look at myself and what motivates me. I strive to be compassionate and helpful. I truly come from love and even even when I am hurting I remind myself that love is at the core of our being and always available.
It got me thinking about how I am in relationships.
What Constitutes a Toxic Relationship: When Relationships Become Problem …
When I speak about a toxic relationship, I am not talking about blatant abuse, emotional or physical.
That’s easy to detect.
- When one partner is domineering and controlling, not allowing you the space to express your wants and needs.
- When the other person shows no gratitude or appreciation for your efforts and attention
- When you feel that you cannot be honest with that other person, for whatever reason
- When the communication feels to you as if it is demeaning and belittling
- When you are only giving and never being given the opportunity to receive
- When your friend/partner is competing and/or complaining rather than encouraging and empowering.
- When your core values and ethics are in conflict with the other persons’ ethics and values
This can be very subtle and the way to recognize it is by noticing your feelings and looking at them with mind and heart open.
If you feel an apprehension about seeing the person, or you feel just not OK when you part from them after spending time together, that is a clue for having a toxic relationship.
For more signs that you are in a toxic relationship go here and read this article at health.com.
It is OK to accommodate others yet not at the expanse of you.
So is that selfish? Not really. The other person is also not benefiting from a relationship in which they are not their best.
Research on marriage shows that marriages that are good and that last always have a key component of making each other feel they can be the best version of themselves. Feeling loved, appreciated and empowered is the key for a true partnership.
What Can You Do if You Are in a Toxic Relationship?
- Sometimes you can be the change you want to see and help the other person be the best version of themselves. Talk to them, write to them, create a dialogue for change.
- Sometimes you may need to walk away.
- If you find that you repeat a pattern in relationships that leads to toxic relationships, it is your personal work that is needed in order to transform it.
Hypnosis can help understand the beliefs you harbor that create this repetition in your toxic relationships and can transform them.
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